I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize