There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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