wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
