before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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