im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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