woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
