he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
