Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
