he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
