ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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