how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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