I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
