Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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