I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
