Banned from zoo.
Again?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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