Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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