When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
