Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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