I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
