Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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