i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
