You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
