I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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