your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
