On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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