hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
