just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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