I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
