I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
