Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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