he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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