Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
