i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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