Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
