I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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