Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
