maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize