he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He better not be in your backpack
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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