The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
