escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
