I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize