trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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