If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
