I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
