So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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