FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
