I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
