so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
