my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
