I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize