worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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