Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
