I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
