After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
