when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
