I look better un-naked...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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