I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
