Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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