If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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