i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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