Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
