i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize