Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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