I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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