And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
