I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
