actually, I'm a sock model
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
