i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The air was thick with penises
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
