dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
