She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize