Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
