Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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