She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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