How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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