I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize