At least make sure they are 18
Why
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
