Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
