please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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