Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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