Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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