Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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