I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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