about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
