The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
